Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
