remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
