Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
