Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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