adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
