im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
