My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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