so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
