My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
