I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
