He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
