Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
