i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
