She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
