i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
