So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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