Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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