I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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