Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Mom said you looked used
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
