i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
