you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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