I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
