i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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