final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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