Define "chronic" masturbator.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
