franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
