You're my little dorito
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
