arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
