How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
