im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
