I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
