christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
