I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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