your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
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Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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