I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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