All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
