i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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