Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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