She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
