My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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