careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
