I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
