i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
