apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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