Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
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Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
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I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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