Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
