i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
