she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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