I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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