That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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