so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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