remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
