Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
