we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
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That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
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grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
A bitchslap is in order.
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