dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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