so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize