i permit you to call me
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
