Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
