Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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