Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
