I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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