I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
