he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
