Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
