If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
