im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
