actually, I'm a sock model
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
