Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
