It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
