He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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