i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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