sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
