I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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