At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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