I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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