I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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