If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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