She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize
