yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
