I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
