Apparently you make a good broom.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
