i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
it was like eating out sand paper
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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