how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
