i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
